Guest author: Jess Oakes
Something I truly believe in is that every single Mom needs a good Mom friend. One they can talk to, turn to, not feel judged by, rely on and not feel like they’re constantly in a competition with. You know, the ultimate “sister” that can relate to you on every level.
Only, there’s one problem. Finding a “Mom Friend” ain’t easy, y’all.
In fact, it’s really hard. I mean finding a good quality friend is hard for women in general. We over analyze, get (yep I’m going to say it) b*tchy, are over sensitive about everything and worry way too much about what others think. Add kids in the mix and well, I mean, no wonder it’s so hard to make a good quality friend, let alone just an acquaintance.
BUT, do we not long for one?! I guarantee if I were in a room with every, single, one of you 99 percent of us would raise our hands and say, “YES!” We want a Mom friend so badly! So why do we make this so hard?
I’ve asked myself this question 200 hundred times in just the last hour. If we want to make friendships, lasting, quality ones then why do we make it slim to impossible on ourselves?
Here are six reasons behind why it’s so hard and six ways to fix it.
#1 – Judgement.
Don’t even say you don’t do it. I do it, you do it, we all do it. We sit here and judge everyone around us for their parenting styles, their choices, their way of life, their religion, their beliefs, you name it and we do it. I mean, no wonder we all are incredibly intimated by one another.
The fix –
So how do we fix it? EASY, STOP! Seriously, just stop judging. Don’t even let your mind go there and if it does, just remind yourself that everyone is free to make their own choices and live life like they want to.
#2 – The “I’m better than you” mentality.
You know the scene in Mean Girls where they’ve just found out about the burn book and have to report to the gymnasium? Tiny Fey (Ms. Norbury) says, “I think they’re all pretty pleased with themselves” and then goes on to prove that all there has been some “girl on girl crime.” That’s what I’m talking about. We all think we are the best, what we do is the best, that our babies are the smartest or most advanced and that everyone should be doing things the way we do it. WRONG.
The fix –
We all do things in a way that works for us. Accept it and MOVE ON. We all think our babies are the cutest, most genius babies on the planet, we should, but we don’t need to rub it in everyone else’s face or compare your child with another. COME ON.
#3 – Overly sensitive.
This just comes with being a woman. I cry about everything, pregnant or on my period or not, I just love to cry. It’s fine though. It happens to the best of us. The problem though is when we start to take things completely out of context. When we start to assume everyone is out to get us, that everyone hates us. In most cases, that’s not the case AT ALL.
The fix –
You need to remember that you wouldn’t purposefully go out of your way to hurt someone. (And if you would, that’s another lesson for another day.) The same goes for others. They’re not trying to hurt your feelings, they’re not out to get you. They’re trying to make friends and live through this crazy, beautiful, blessing of Motherhood just like you are!
#4 – Quit being a b*tch.
I said it and I’m going to reference Mean Girls again. “I know I may look like I was being a b*tch, but that’s only because I was acting like a b*tch.” Sorry, I know, I know I shouldn’t swear, but it’s true!! It comes with being a girl, not a woman. There’s not one single reason you should be acting that way.
The fix –
Reality check, GROW UP. You’re not going to make friends by being mean, talking badly about others and making fun of people and that’s that.
#5 – I’m too busy.
Oh girl, preach! I get it. I work more than full-time, take care of my daughter and am a wife in between. I get busy, but is that a legitimate excuse or a reason to keep pushing off the thing you want so badly?
The fix –
If you have time to watch a reality TV show or even be reading this, you have time to make friends. Quit saying you’re too busy.
#6 – Anxiety or shyness.
Yes, those are real things and it can be totally intimidating trying to talk to others! I know what you’re talking about when you tell the same story of two women sitting next to each other in church for weeks on end and then leaving never once talking or becoming friends. It sucks, but why? Why do we do that?
The fix –
Work up the courage! Don’t let a friendship pass you by because I guarantee they want someone to talk to, to relate with and cry with on hard days just as badly as you do.
And I’ll just leave you with this, “I just wish we could all get along like we used to in middle school. I wish that I could bake a cake made out of rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy…”
Jess Oakes is the author and creator of Positively Oakes, she can be found chasing her busy toddler around and most likely with a Dr. Pepper in hand!