Having a baby is an incredible experience that will change your life forever. Your parenting books may have prepared you for snuggles, onesies and changing the occasional poopy diapers, but the realities of having kids are far different from anything you’ve read about. Here are the before and after experiences you weren’t expecting.
Before having your baby, you probably didn’t talk about anyone else’s bodily functions. After the baby’s arrival, it’s going to come up more than once. Whether you’re discussing your day with your partner or chatting with fellow parents, poop will be a subject you revisit frequently. Get used to sharing all the gushy details!
Before children, your home reflected you and your spouse perfectly. Maybe you had white furniture, and everything had its place. After children, your home still reflects your family — it just represents your children much more than it does you. Diapers, toys, activity centers and other child-rearing accessories will be scattered around your abode.
Your nice king-sized bed might seem large enough now, but it’ll quickly fill up with little ones wanting snuggles. Unfortunately, kids usually sleep in weird positions, and you may wake up with a foot in your mouth. These moments might seem awful now, but you’ll miss them someday, so cherish every bruise you get from those tiny sleeping babes.
Right now, you may be on top of every popular series and know who married whom, but pretty soon, you’ll be more acquainted with Dora and Diego. It’s common for parents to lose sight of what’s trending while their littles are at home, but once they can entertain themselves, you’ll get back in the swing of things.
Sure, you’ve heard the phrase “projectile vomit,” but until you’ve experienced it, it’s impossible to picture. This is a rite of passage for all parents, no matter how much you think your kids won’t go through it. You’ll also have a poop explosion at some point, and I’m here to give you permission to just cut off the onesie. Even if your great-auntie gave it to you, it can go if it’s a choice between destroying an outfit or pulling a poo-covered shirt over your kid’s head. Just cut it off and let it go.
Did you know that a three-to-six-month shirt from one brand will definitely not fit the same way as one from another brand? Kids’ clothes are worse at sizing than women’s jeans. No one prepares you for the annoyance of having a pile of clothes and finding half of the pieces are larger or smaller than their tag suggests. The best way to sort out which clothes will fit and which won’t, is to find an outfit you know fits and use that for comparison.
Every experience and every child will be different, of course, but being aware of these changes will help soften the blow when you notice them as they’re happening to you and your family. Stock up on bleach and enjoy every moment with your little ones — they grow up too fast.